TOXIC SELF-LOVE & CARE MESSAGES ON SOCIAL MEDIA.
You would have to be under a rock to not take notice of social media therapy and how much of it that our generation is consuming. I am grateful because the reception of self-love and self-care messages are asserting the fact that there is a need and, to be honest, social media therapy is the only therapy that a lot of people will have access to for a long time. There are a lot of pick me up messages on the gram that assert how magical and kick-ass we are and to be honest I am very grateful! I mean, I create the same type of content and I hope that it asserts the same.
I am grateful for the evolution of social media and how it is helping solve 21st-century problems in social work, businesses and even activism! Social media is a double-edged sword and we have to recognize and appreciate the side of it that cuts right and also highlight the parts of it that may not really be serving us. We are all consuming information when we are on these platforms and the information that we gather affects our thought process, builds up our beliefs and those turn into actions and voila we have created our lives.
The beauty of self-love and care messages on social media is the fact that anyone can create and share! Some messages are blankety soft while others are so amazingly hype! Some can be toxic especially if we do not take time to question them and determine whether they really apply to us and our situations.
I think that we should always remember that the person who wrote the messages we read had a back story that applied to them which might not be similar to ours and therefore might not apply to our lives. For most of them, it is circumstantial! Another thing to consider is the fact that most people do not write everything that they meant to write to explain a post and therefore interpretation is left to the audience. Therefore, I do not believe that the messages themselves may be toxic but how we consume the information may end up being toxic for us. It is okay to question messages and whether they apply to us or not.
Here are a few thoughts to consider as you consume self-love & care messages online and making them work for you.
- Self-love and care messages are amazing but not when you are using them to be passive-aggressive. Okay, let me break it down! So you and your boyfriend or best friend get into an argument and you mentally block them but keep them intentionally engaged on your IG/FB/WHATSAPP stories. And instead of walking into the discomfort of opening up about your hurt to them, you end up sharing posts on your story that is damn right targeted at them. They have to know it’s about them!
This can be hurtful to the people we love that did not get the chance to understand us or even explain themselves. It also just makes conflict which is an opportunity for connection, presumptuous and really hard to navigate. I have done this so many times and I honestly thought that I was winning. In retrospect, I was just avoiding connection and vulnerability and well, being kinda spiteful. It’s okay to talk it out with your friend, mom or boyfriend. Quotes can be very impersonal and clearly can be used as weapons of spite.
2) Self-love and care messages should not make you forget everyone else that is around you. It should not validate our narcissistic tendencies. Self-love and care messages should make you want to pour into yourself so much so that you have the energy and capacity to pour out from a well that is full and constantly being replenished. Self-care is not just for us but also for those that are connected to us. As we work on ourselves people are able to experience us better. It is okay to love others and sacrifice for them. It is even better when we do these things from a well of worthiness and abundance. We love and share differently when we have love and value for ourselves. Acts of love and service become so full, intentional and things that we are grateful to be in a position to give.
3) The intention of these messages is to (should be) eliminate co-dependency and not to promote the idea that we do not need anyone ever. They are meant to help us take responsibility for our lives. To reach a place where we own our choices and might I say, happiness. Always being alone is not self-care and any post that suggests that even subliminally, is impractical. Self-love messages should inspire you to create healthy relationships and develop even healthier boundaries. It’s okay to want to connect and be around people. No one should make us feel guilty for this because humanity was created with that need. It is nature. We crave connection!
4) Yes, we need to cut off some people! Granted! But it takes great awareness to know when to do the chop! Some relationships just need us to communicate our boundaries and they will survive. Others challenge us to grow and accommodate other people. Some challenge us to create spaces for other people in our lives regardless of their beliefs and choices. Let me tell you, everyone wants to chop someone out of their lives as depicted on social media but no one wants to be the one on the receiving end of it. This full view of it should at least prompt us to really do our best with our relationships/friendships before cutting people off.
5) As you inevitably go through social media therapy, always make room for taking responsibility for your actions and ways that you can grow. It can easily turn into a blame game whereby everyone else MUST be wrong and we are right! Hmmmmm….
Always find a way to seek more knowledge about yourself at all times. I know I hate messages that directly come at me! HA! I surely do not share those!But that’s the thing right there! It is never about me and how I can grow and better myself but about how someone else that wronged me can get a clearer look at how that made me feel. I believe that these messages should help us analyze ourselves first and help us work on our flaws.
6) Social media therapy can feel like we are constantly thriving to better our emotions, minds and general lives. This can end up not being healthy for us. We should read them knowing that we are already enough as much as we are flawed. Yes, there is a thing called over-consumption! Know when to take a break to analyze your life away from ‘social media therapy’. Look at your life from the lens of how far you have come and of those that truly know you. And I think, it’s great to go ahead and get actual therapy or coaching. Invest in yourself in this way.
Social media therapy is great but nothing beats actual therapy/coaching.
Let me know if this post is useful and your thoughts on the points shared above!
My name is Dorsila and I run an award-winning blog (BAKE AWARDS: Best New Blog 2019) at thatgirlrelatable.co.ke that focuses on helping men and women live their best authentic lives. I am also a certified life coach. I help men and women get unstuck, own and create the life they desire. Click here to get to know more and book yourself a free session. I cannot wait to meet you.
Stay relatable forever!