I hope you enjoyed part one of the how not to lose yourself in your dating season. If you haven’t read it, please check out the post here.
In my honest opinion, I believe that to date well, to meet new people occasionally and finding true meaningful connection comes from a place of emotional health and being aware of who we are, where we are and of course interacting from a place of worthiness. So here we go:
1)Wear worthiness to your date.
Worthiness is knowing and understanding that we are worthy just as we are. That no one holds our desire to belong, loved and to be appreciated and seen. We are already worthy of these things. So, when two people living in worthiness meet they are able to fully be present in their interaction. I have been in a place where once I met people I would get into this crazy web of thoughts. “Does he like me? Does he think I’m funny or is he only fake laughing at my jokes? Gosh, does he think I’m fat? ” This happened because I showed up feeling unworthy and expected to receive validation of my worthiness from that meetup. And guess what! If he left the date and didn’t give a compliment, I would wonder all day whether he thought I was enough.
No one owes us a pat in the back, a smile or even a compliment. These things come from within ourselves and cannot be put as an expectation on the table of a date. So when someone compliments us or not and this ends up drowning you in a ‘sea of am I worthy questions’, it only shows that the heartbreak was already there even before the date.
2) Connection is not locked.
Daniel Ceasar’s song gave me such perspective on this in his lyrics
“we find love, we get up!
“And we fall down, we give up”
I used to like this boy when I was in high school and I really doubted whether I would connect with anyone else in that way or ever! Sad! Right? There are over 7 billion people on this planet and it is a bit crazy to think that connection is locked to one human being. So, what happens when a connection goes sour? We give up and show up to meet people from this place of ”well my connection opportunity left me two years ago, so let’s just eat and go home”.
Yes, the opportunity to successfully date did not happen but the connection was real and true and gladly not locked to them only. So we appreciate what it was, learn and move on to more opportunities to connect with others. So you can love, laugh and live again because guess what he/she did not leave with your ability to connect. If anything, now you know what it takes for you to connect with others. The bottom line is not everybody we connect with will we have a chance to pursue a long-term relationship with and it also does not negate the chance of connecting with another and having forever with them.
3) Carry and still honour your responsibility to yourself.
We all come from families that have human beings that are not perfect at all. This does not negate the presence of love in our homes as well. My dad has made me feel the love of God as a father and my mom has allowed me to experience God as a nurturer. But as I experienced the fullness of their love and care, I also got bruised and cut because of their humanness. Therefore, my responsibility to myself is to seek healing for the bruises in the fullness of who God is because He is the perfect expression.
With that in mind, I do believe in finding/being found by someone who pushes us closer to God. Although, it can be easy to put this responsibility on human beings we meet who still have their own responsibilities that they are balancing on their shoulders. I am here to gently remind you that yours is not their weight to carry. This does not only apply to our relationship with God but our dreams, our healing and ambitions in life as well. Yes, they will nudge us, inspire us and cheer us on but it is ours to feel the pressure on our backs. Think about it. What happens when they cannot carry your responsibilities for you any longer because they are bogged down by their own? No matter how hard, carry and honour your responsibilities to yourselves and massage each other’s backs when it gets hard and tiresome.
Let me be darn honest! This is definitely easier said than done. Everything does take practice. Practice the art of worthiness by validating yourself in truth constantly and especially when you feel that insecurity. Enjoy a connection without holding on to it like your value and worth depends on it and finally stay loyal to your responsibility to yourself!
We would love to hear your thoughts on this post and of course know whether you relate! Let us know in the comments!
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