Dating, meeting new people and socializing is definitely an exciting experience. Personally, I am super excited when there is that instant connection with another human being. Similar interests, taste or style definitely makes the best conversation topics. Different opinions and views make the best opportunities for introspection, self-discovery and self- awareness.
Human beings were created to connect in more ways than one. It’s false and crazy to think that in our generation all of us will meet our soul-mate or husband on our very first date. Considering some of us started dating as early as 16. Totally unrealistic! The heartbreak that occurs during our dating season is not caused by dating but by how we date, how we show up emotionally and the expectations we slap onto the table during this season.
Here are a few ways we can avoid losing ourselves and our heads as we date!
1) Put your list down and engage.
I know we are told to know what we want and to go for it. Hear me out! I am all for that! But the thing is when we meet people for the first time most of us are busy in our heads trying to see if they are the one that we are not fully present to know if we even like each other as people. This is because we go to the table to meet a husband and not a person. So if he ends up not being your husband, guess what happens? We not only miss out on a husband but also a person altogether. I think people are important.
Putting your list aside (not forgetting it) and being fully present allows you to know exactly where this person would fit into your life and vice versa. Just because he/she isn’t your soul mate it doesn’t make the person disposable. And we definitely need not be angry at the other person for not fitting our ‘list’.That cannot be their fault. As soon as we know where exactly they could fit into our lives, then we are now able to fully engage with them. To laugh and have a good time even if we may not meet each other again as “soon to be the new couple in town”. We could meet as buddies, business partners or due to a few similar interests and still find contentment in that. At the end of the day, you have had a great time, your mind has been opened to other opinions and possibly made a badminton friend. I’m just saying connection does not have to be all about, ‘so can we get married?’
2) Live in the moment of what it is!
Just because you like each other it does not mean ya’ll will get married! Okay? I know especially for us ladies, we tend to over-think and anticipate the future with a stranger at hello! It is unhealthy because it is based on assumptions/fleeting feelings and not facts. We as human beings also tend to see other peoples’ worth based on the need or want they satisfy in us which is totally wrong as people are worthy regardless. So, live in the moment of what a meet up, date or even a friendship is. We tend to show up in the future (which we are not promised) and missing out on what something is at that moment.
For example you meet your brothers’ friend whom you like and have a lot in common and so you start imagining/obsessing a future with this person and because he only sees you as a friend at the moment, you are unable to live in the beauty of that friendship which would make it even clearer to you whether you want forever with him or not. So, you break your own heart before he even does and miss out on any relationship whatsoever.
3) Your Passion cannot be ‘Finding The One!’
Giiirl? Are we clear? This cannot be the only thing that occupies your mind and life because I believe that God has given us talents, passions and interests. I am sorry! This ‘the one’ cannot be that! I know it sucks. lol! Find something that lights you up and stay occupied.
I was chatting with a guy friend of mine and he expressed how much of a burden it is to him when he is the only thing that lights up her girl.“What happens when I am not able to light her up especially on hard days?’ He asked. Men love it when a woman has a life apart from him unless he is insecure and narcissistic and of course we don’t want that. We cannot afford to put aside the things that light us up aside just because we are dating a couple of people that only spark us.
There should be some non-negotiables in your life that you are particularly interested in and pursuing whether you are finding out who the one is or have found out who he is. I know it can get a bit hard but remember the idea is not to lose yourself but to learn new things about yourself and someone else. A soul mate and pursuit of a soul mate should never replace who we are and our passions.
I relate because I have dated and found myself not being as creative and as productive in the things that I am truly passionate about because I was caught up in how amazing he was and daydreaming about our babies #crazyright lol that I forgot about who I was without him. And it still did not work out. I had to go and pick up my passions under the table where I had dumped them and get back on track. I shouldn’t have gotten out off track in the first place. I should have adjusted and done my best to find balance. That was the lesson.
This is part one of this series. We are elated to hear your thoughts and know whether you relate to the 3 points. I would love to hear how you stay focused and date from a healthy place!
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Stay Relatable! ♥
