Addicted to Productivity? What would Kipchoge do?
The whirlwind that 2021 has been. I thought the pandemic made my blood boil in 2020 because life slowed down. I now hated 2021 because the world is moving on and it feels like the universe slowly whispered into my ear, ‘not you, honey’. Here’s a sprinkle of sadness to further slow you down. And just…… you know!
Have you ever tried running with an athlete’s foot? Or better yet tried sumo squats with a hurting ankle? The general advice from everybody plus your raging body is to slow the fuck down. Put some cream on it. Rub some ice and watch some tv. Basically, wait it out. It is the process and it is inevitable. For a long time now I have felt like I am running, then sprinting and eventually limping with a wound that I only stop to dress once I start spurting blood everywhere. This normally looks like negativity, tears, moodiness, low depressive moods, beating myself down and all other nastiness. After that, all I do then is quickly treat the wound and keep running without giving it time to heal.
Productivity is addictive. I realize that I would rather crawl to the mirage of a finish line than take a break to heal, feel and rejuvenate. I struggle with placing my worth and value in producing in the various scopes of my life. 2021 has been hard because generally, I am sad and I do not know when I will heal from the loss of close family and friends. Productivity has been affected. It’s harder to believe any of the positive and uplifting messages let alone share them. I finally appreciate that acknowledging how much it sucks is just as important as all the positive messages.
I would tell you not to go through the mill for not being as productive as ur capitalistic world has made us think we need to be. But I beat myself up so bad. I sit in agony, tears, self-loathing for hours. I try to crawl one more time to the finish line and end up cursing at the mirage and myself for not being able to sit, feel and rest.
You do not have to always be productive. You are not a machine.
Alaaaar! The 28-year-old me that is terrified of poverty and not leaving a mark on this earth is immediately violently triggered. (Not that anybody said I had to; other than all the motivational speakers that spoke to us in school.) Go figure.
A typical conversation i have in my head.
Dorsila,
Dorsila, it’s okay to rest. It’s okay to heal. To eat ice cream and wait it out. To apply some cream on it. Then get back to running. You were not created for constant production. Just be today.
Anxious Dorsila,
Okay, so you wanna sleep for 1 hour. Okay, sis. But what if you lose your job, passion and purpose. What if it never heals. You’d have to start over. You will be blotted out! You’d be a failure.
Dorsila 2.0
One hour nap? Get out of here! Not a failure. Dorsila, realize that you need to love yourself even when you are not productive. Love yourself in ways that feel good too. No shame in just being. This looks like rest and pleasure. Doing things that make you happy and rejuvenate you. Nothing wrong with that. Even athletes take bubble baths. Yes? Kipchoge, please affirm this girl.
And he affirms!!!!!
“I wake up at 5am, by 6am I’m on the way to training. I come back and relax, have lunch, take a little nap, then train again at 4pm for an evening run. Then relax, dinner and bed at 9pm until the next day.
Eliud Kipchoge
“In the off season I allow my body to recover, my mind to recover. I like to be with my family, to read books, and know what is going on in the world, to understand how people think.”
Eliud Kipchoge
My point is this. 2021 has not only been hard on me but you too. Take some guilt-free time out and ask yourself what Kipchoge would do. I am sure he would recommend rest. He would tell us that rest is just as crucial as going ham. We don’t need to bet that the guy goes hard. He surely knows what he is talking about. We can trust him. Therefore, rest your beautiful mind and tend to where it hurts. I am sorry if I made you feel like you should constantly be on the running tracks. You are not a machine. You are not on this earth to keep the show going. The show will go on with or without you. Take a seat. Sleep in. Self soothe. Hold yourself. Regain a better relationship with productivity and yourself.
I have kept a training diary to record my training plans and my feelings and emotions for a long time.
Eliud Kipchoge
Eliud Kipchoge affirms your self-care and love !!!!!
